


home in your arms

by theackles



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - High School, Cancer, Comfort/Angst, Death, Destiel - Freeform, Dying Castiel, F/F, Gay, Gay Male Character, Hurt Castiel, Lesbian Character, M/M, Male Slash, Mentions of Cancer, Protective Dean Winchester, Sad, Smut, Teen Castiel, Teen Dean Winchester, Young Dean Winchester, Young Sam Winchester
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-10-19
Updated: 2014-11-08
Packaged: 2018-02-21 19:50:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2480366
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theackles/pseuds/theackles
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel Novak is dying of a vicious terminal illness; cancer.</p><p>Trying to get away from his past and the sadness of his old life, his mother moves him to Kansas, where the doctors are better and the memories are faded. There, he meets Dean Winchester. He prays of a day where his cancer finally leaves so he can have a normal life, one where Dean is present and holding him close. But the end seems to be getting closer, darker, and Dean can only sit back and watch as his love dies. </p><p>Domestic AU!, Cancer!Cas, Protective!Dean</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. the new kid

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place mainly now, except AU where both Dean and Cas are human and in high school as seniors. Dean in 19, Cas is 18, and Dean is unaware of his terminal illness. Please be wary of this story because of the mentions of death, cancer, and the fact that they're gay.

God, his eyes were so blue. Like the sea, his pupils were the shore and the ocean only grew darker as it neared the edge of his iris. His skin was a sun kissed tan, beautifully sculpted cheekbones and sunken cheeks. His mouth was always smiling, teeth shining white and welcoming. His hair had always been dark, some days it seemed blacker than others, but how could he even tell? A blue beanie always hid his hair away, covering pieces of his ears, half of his forehead.

He was the new kid in school. Normally Dean wouldn’t take interest in new kids at the school, but something was off about this kid. And he was gorgeous. They had most of their classes together, coincidentally, except for first and seventh period. By first period, everyone was talking about him. By second, Dean got to see for himself.

He was sitting at the back of the class, adjacent from Dean’s seat. Everyone tried to clap hands with him. He didn’t really know why--he’d been here barely half the year and everyone wanted to be his friend. After he made it past the sea of students, he got to his seat, and sat, turning to the boy.

As he opened his mouth, the teacher waltzed in with a grin. “We have a new student, class,” he waved for the boy to come up, where he held his shoulders tightly and gave him a little shake. Mr. Keaton was always a bit handsy. “Would you like to tell us your name and a bit about yourself?”

The boy coughed, a small smile on his face. “I-I’m Castiel Novak,” A sea of small giggles and chuckles came through the students.

“What kind of name is Castiel?” One of the football players--Evan, a complete dickwad-- laughed loudly, making the small smile from Castiel’s face vanish.

He continued, anyways, thought. “People call me Cas, though. I’m eighteen.” He stopped there, fidgeting with his long fingers. When no one said anything, he glanced up at the teacher. “That’s all I have to say.”

“All right, all right,” Mr. Keaton nodded. “Okay, Cas, go take a seat. Thank you. And, uh,” He grabbed Cas’s arm before he escaped his grasp. “No hats in class.”

Cas’s face when stone cold for a moment as his hand shakily came up to grasp his beanie. He tugged it off, showcasing beautifully thick, messy black hair. He folded the beanie up neatly in his hands and went to his seat, laying it down and keeping his head down.

“Aye,” Dean leaned across the small row between their seats and nudged him. “Keaton is really anal about hats with everyone. Don’t take it personally, okay?” Cas glanced up, vivid blue eyes meeting deep green ones, and for a moment the world seemed to stop. Like a volt of electricity, they felt pulled, but either of them ignored it, and coughed.

“Thanks,” Cas mumbled, smiling, “but I’m not worried about it.”

Dean nodded, shooting him one of his famous smiles, and turned back to listen to Mr. Keaton drone on about English. As they were leaving after the bell rang, Dean caught up with him and nudged his shoulder with his own.

“What class do you have next?”

“Paula McCarthy in Science,”

“Hey, me too,” Dean grinned. “You can sit with me if you want. I have an empty seat beside me. This class is pretty full.”

Cas glanced up to Dean, who was several inches taller than him, and beamed. “Thank you. What’s your name?”

“I’m Dean,” He smiled, “Winchester. And you’re Cas.”

“Yeah,” Cas confirmed, a smile playing on his lips, and a blush creeping up to his cheeks. “Do you mind if I walk with you to Science? I don’t know where it’s at.”

“Sure, Cas,”

Something about Cas’s name on this guy’s tongue made his heart skip two beats faster. He played with the beanie in his hands, trying not to look up and stare, but God he couldn’t help himself. Dean was beautiful. Caramel hair messy on his head, thick eyebrows, and beautiful deep forest green eyes under them, framed by long lashes and a stunningly white smile. His jawline was covered in stubble and was sharp and squared. Cas absentmindedly licked his lips and sighed. Dean was a different kind of beautiful.

“Here we are,” Dean ignored Cas’s stares with a smile, holding the door open for him. Cas coughed awkwardly and mumbled a thanks and rushed in, waiting for Dean in the center of the room to show him where the seats were. Dean led them to the middle left of the room by the big window, where Dean sat his things. “You can have the window seat if you want.”

“Thank you.” Cas smiled once more, sliding his things over and sitting on the stool next to the warm window. It had an amazing view and he’d knew he’d be distracted in this class.

The classroom was positioned at the back of the school, where there was a huge garden, full of every type of flower Cas could think of. Trees of different colors were scattered and birds hopped around on the ground while squirrels scurried for the nuts on the trees.

Cas caught Dean staring this time, and only smiled when he did so. He didn’t mind it. Sure, Dean’s gaze put fire on his skin, but the good kind.

Once again, the teacher came in and asked Cas to introduce himself. Every time someone would laugh at his full name, except Dean. Dean watched it all day, watched Cas start with a smile, and then frown slightly at someone who decided to speak up and laugh at him. But Cas shook it off, continuing, and then dismissing himself back to Dean’s side.

Lunch was hardly any different. Dean led them out of third period Maths and saw the sickness on Cas’s face. He pulled him over to an empty patch of hallway and grabbed his shoulder as Cas fell against the wall.

“Hey, you alright?” Dean asked, holding onto his shoulders to make sure he didn’t collapse.

“Y-Yes, I’m alright, I’m just hungry, I think.” Cas coughed slightly, his face paling and the bags under his eyes deepening in the purple by three shades. “Can we go?”

Dean stared at him for a second, making sure he wasn’t going to vomit or pass out in the floor when he let go. “Yeah, we can go. You can put your hat back on now, if you want.” Cas nodded shyly and placed it back over his hair, curling it around his ears, hiding them. Dean let Cas slightly lead the way, keeping a hand ready to catch him in case he collapsed.

Thankfully, they got to the lunch room without any mishaps beside a couple of jocks deciding to knock into Cas on purpose, but Dean steadied him before he fell.

Dean grabbed an empty table and pointed to it. “Sit here, catch your breath, I’m going to grab us both a tray, okay?”

Cas frowned. “I’m fully capable of getting a tray of food, Dean.” He said as he started to push himself up. It was like gravity was pushing all the color from his face as he rose, because when he stood, that sunkissed skin turned an ashy white.

“No, I don’t care.” Dean shook his head, pushing Cas back down. “I’m getting us some food, and that’s it. Just stay here.” He left before Cas could say otherwise, but down inside, Cas was thankful.

His head was light and his stomach was threatening to vomit. His eyes throbbed painfully in his skull and everytime he blinked, he worried he might fall asleep. He managed to keep his head up to watch for Dean. When he returned, he slid the tray of cafeteria food and sat down beside of him.

“You still doing okay?”

“Yes, Dean, you don’t have to worry about me. I don’t expect you to.”

Dean rolled his eyes and placed a fork on his tray. “Eat.”

Cas smiled slightly and picked at his food the entire 45 minutes of lunch. He ate about a third of it in the end, his stomach threatening to puke it all up if he tried to eat anymore, despite his hunger. Cas insisted on throwing away his own tray, despite Dean’s tries to do it for him.

Dean worried for the new kid, his new friend. Something was off, and Cas’s hands were shaking. His face was pale, his eyes sunken into his head, but the blues in his eyes were just as bright, just as beautiful.

Dean wanted to show him outside, around to the garden in the back of the school where the Science room was, since Cas seemed to love the view, but the bell rang and they had to run to fourth period, where everything started over again.

Cas had to introduce himself, his smile slightly faded a little, but still there. There was another round of laughs, and Cas scurried back to his seat, unfortunately, away from Dean who sat at the complete back of the room instead of the front-middle where Cas was seated around a bunch of laughing jackasses.

Dean kept getting distracted from the jocks poking and prodding at Cas the entire class period. At some point, Cas snuck his beanie back on and laid his head down, while the jocks continued to play with his hair with their pencils.

Cas left the class before Dean got to the front of the room. Dean sighed and shoved past the jocks with a grunt, ignoring their pissed off remarks. When he got out of the room, he glanced around for Cas and found him walking out of the men’s room, wiping his mouth and holding his stomach. His blue eyes caught Dean, and Dean raced over to him.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, nothing, I’m fine.” Cas pushed Dean’s hand away and coughed, “Next period, please.”

Dean contemplated telling Cas to go to the nurses office, but decided against it, knowing Cas would simply say no.

Dean didn’t know a thing about the kid and already knew he’d be too stubborn to go to the nurses office. Dean shook his head, frowning, and leading them to next period.

Everything played like usual until seventh period hit, when they had to part ways. Dean hated seventh period--History. He decided to be late for that class and walk Cas to his French class.

“Thanks,” Cas smiled slightly, nodding to Dean who gave a “no problem,”

Dean mosied to his History class and pulled the door open in the middle of a lecture, in which he smiled. “Sorry I’m late. Hate this class.”

“Feeling’s mutual, Winchester,” Miss Peters grumbled, writing on the chalkboard. Dean gave her a cocky smile and took his seat in the front, where he sat sitting in wonderland the entire time, wondering how Cas was doing in his French class.

Cas took an empty seat in the back again and got all of his things prepared for French class. The lunch had settled into his stomach and gave him some color back to his face--enough to not look like a ghost. Sure, he puked his guts up in the mens room, but it made him feel better. His eyes weren’t as purple and his cheeks were a bit red now. He had to take his beanie off, again, for this class, but he was tired, he didn’t really care.

Dean had been a big help today. Cas liked him. He was nice to him, beautiful, and seemed protective. Cas’s mother, Hannah, had told Cas to make friends that would look after him today. Cas felt particularly certain he had found so in Dean.

He felt...he couldn’t place it exactly, connected to Dean. He wanted to be around him. He gave off a good vibe and Cas actually felt safe near him, like in the end, everything would be okay.

Cas sighed and scribbled his name on a sheet of paper just as the seat next to him was occupied by a bright red haired girl, who grinned.

“Cas,” she said, smiling brightly. “That’s a cool name.”

Cas glanced up to see a girl with a wide smile, bright green eyes, and flaming red hair. She had Star Wars earrings in and a red fringe that fell against her eyes, saturating them.

“U-Uh, thank you. My full name is Castiel. Castiel Novak.”

The girl grinned even more, “That’s an even cooler name! I’m Charlie Bradbury.” She held a hand out. Cas’s shaking hand grasped hers and she shook it. “It’s nice to meet you, Castiel--or would you prefer Cas?”

“Cas, please,”

“Great.” Charlie leaned back in her chair and kicked up booted feet on the desk they shared. “French is really fun, you’ll love it here. Everyone in here is real nice, especially me,” Charlie laughed, her shoulders shaking against Cas’s. “Say, do you have computer class?”

Cas shook his head. “No...me and computers don’t get along.”

Charlie laughed. “Man! No one in here has computers.”

Cas smiled, feeling her happy vibes soak into him, and he was all right. “My apologies,” Cas smiled. “But I’m glad we have French together.”

“Same here.” Charlie nudged her shoulder against his.

They made quiet conversation during the entire class period, some of it in French, most of it in English. When Cas left, Charlie gave him her number, promising she only liked girls with a wink, before Cas got back to eighth period where Dean sat, feet propped up in combat boots like Charlie. He waved Cas over when blue met green.

Cas slid into the seat next to him with a smile. “Hey.”

“Hey, you look better,” Dean smiled wider. “Feel better?”

“Much. I made a new friend.”

Dean felt a pang of jealousy through his chest as he asked, “Who?”

Cas grinned, remembering her brightly lit hair and cocky jokes. “Charlie Bradbury.”

Dean’s jealousy diminished slightly, but it was still there. Her name itself made him smile, and he couldn’t help but wonder that if Dean was mentioned, would Cas grin just as big?

“I know her. She’s a nice girl.” Dean smiled. “She’s a nerd.”

Cas smiled. “I know! She’s very nice and made it less awkward. She is very loud but I don’t really mind. She even said my name is cool.”

Dean chuckled. “Who said your name isn’t cool?” Cas shrugged beside him as the teacher walked in, and quieted. Dean sighed and rubbed his eyes, feeling the tiredness set in from the day. He hoped that as the days went by, he and Cas would grow closer.

After eighth period let out, it was time to leave.

“How are you getting home?” Dean asked, walking with Cas outside where the buses and cars were stationed.

“Usually I ride a bus home.” Cas said, trying to find his specific bus.

“Would you rather have a ride?” Dean nodded towards the 67 Chevy Impala he inherited from his dad when he retired. Cas’s vivid eyes widened and his mouth went slightly agape.

“That’s yours?” Cas seemed to float across the parking lot towards it.

“Yep,” Dean grinned, running his hands across the shiny black exterior. “She’s Baby,”

“Baby,” Cas grinned. “She’s beautiful. I’d love a ride.” Dean nodded towards the passengers side with a smile. Cas pulled her open and slid in, his feet having all the room they needed and his body falling into a comfortable position immediately.

Dean slid into the driver’s side and turned the ignition on, letting her rumble to life, before pulling out while she purred down the streets. “Where do you live?”

After Cas gave him the basic directions to his house, and watched out the window while they drove there. It took them fifteen minutes, and somewhere in between Cas dozed off, his head falling against the window.

Dean pulled up to his house and glanced over to see him hopelessly snoozing against his windows. He laughed and leaned over to nudge Cas gently.

“Hmph,” Cas groaned slightly in his sleep, “No,”

“Cas,” Dean persuaded, poking at his shoulder, “We’re at your house.”

Cas sat up and looked around the car, confused, “Dean?” Dean felt his heart beat rapidly at his name off Cas’s tongue.

“Yeah,” Dean smiled. “We’re here.”

Cas looked out the window and rubbed at his eyes. “Thank you.” He pushed the door open weakly, listening to the squeak, and stepped out, grabbing his bag. “For the ride,” he finished, a small smile on his face.

“Hey?” Dean called when Cas was about to shut the door. “How’re you getting to school in the morning?”

Cas shrugged. “Bus.”

“I’ll be here 6:30, sharp, okay?” Cas couldn’t stop the blushing smile that raised on his cheeks as he nodded.

“Okay,” he squeaked, grinning from ear-to-ear. “See you.”

Dean nodded, unable to stop the wink as Cas shut the door. He watched Cas until he disappeared into his middle class home--two stories, a garage, and a chainlink fence. Dean left as soon as Cas disappeared, a smile playing on his own lips when he realized he’d see him in the morning.


	2. stay for dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean feels the chemistry and Cas invites him inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who commented, and the kudos! It means a lot to me :) I'd like to point out that I know next to nothing about cancer, what happens to the body, and all that, I'm just going off of what I can find on the internet. If anything is wrong or you have information that could be helpful, please feel free to critique me on it! Kudos and comments are appreciated, so please leave one if you don't mind :) I hope everyone enjoys. I apologize for any mistakes in advance, I'm terrible at proof reading!

When 6 o’clock AM came around, Cas’s eyes didn’t open. His alarm was blaring, but his head was pounding, and his stomach sick. He groaned slightly and turned over in his bed, grabbing his alarm clock and checked it. 6:24am. He turned to his back and laid an arm over his eyes, trying to convince himself that seeing his new friend would be rewarding.

He peeled the hot blankets off his sticky body and grabbed his clothes and some towels for a shower. It was a cold one to wake him up and even then he fell asleep leaning against the wall, cold water beating down on his head, which was beginning to get dizzy. He woke up enough to rinse the shampoo out of his hair and soap off his body, and stumbled out. He dried himself enough and slid a pair of jeans on that hugged his calves perfectly, warming him, and a loose white shirt that gave him room to breathe. He towel dried his hair and slipped some old converse on.

He checked his watch; 6:34, and sighed. He grabbed a dark maroon beanie to give his day some color and put it on over his damp hair so the chilly morning air wouldn’t freeze him to death. His comfy black sweater was waiting for him by the door, as was his book bag. He slipped his arms through the sweater and buttoned it up, then grabbed his book bag, grunting when it’s weight settled uncomfortably on his back.

When he walked outside, he checked his phone at 6:40, and Dean was already waiting outside for him, loud rock music blaring.

Dean reached over across the passenger’s seat to unlock the door and shoved it open, smiling at Cas warmly and turning the music down enough to speak clearly.

“Mornin’, sunshine!” He grinned, and that alone was reward enough. Cas thanked God he got out of bed that day. “You look tired, Cas,” Dean had a joking manner to his voice, but his beautiful green eyes, that had specks of gold in them today, seemed worried.

Cas dropped his bag in the floor of the Impala and slid in, shutting the door after him.

“I apologize for being late,” he frowned in Dean’s direction. He scratched at his stubbly face that he’d forgotten to shave nervously. He didn’t want Dean to be angry at him for making them late.

“Nah,” Dean laughed lightly, reaching over to tug down Cas’s beanie, where his ear was poking out. Cas blushed deeply and ran a hand over the piece Dean fixed. “Don’t worry about it--I hate my first period anyways. Are you hungry, did you eat?”

Cas pursed his lips and immediately grabbed his stomach. It felt fine, well enough for food, but he didn’t eat. He knew that if he didn’t eat that he’d be regretting it by lunch, doing what he did yesterday, and almost passing out several times while Dean worried in the background.

“No. I didn’t eat.” Cas answered simply, feeling his phone vibrate in his pocket. Dean’s eyes went down to Cas’s pants, where he slipped his phone out. “Sorry.” He mumbled, pulling open the text message from his older brother, Gabe. “It’s my brother.”

“You have a brother?” Dean’s eyebrows raised.

“Yes, three,” Cas answered, “and a sister. They don’t live here though. They live with my father.” Cas thumbed a response to Gabe’s “how are you feeling today?” message. Cas didn’t want Gabe to worry and bother his mother, so he replied with a “I feel great today”.

“I have a brother,” Dean answered, pulling off the road, the clock now saying 10 till 7. Second period started at 7:45. “His name is Sam. He’s just a kid, actually a Freshman this year.” He chuckles. “Gotta look out for the little bro,”

Cas smiled at Dean’s loving smile, the warmth in his eyes at the mention of his brother. Dean continued. “Our mom died in a house fire when I was four. Sammy was just a little baby, and Dad had to grab him out of the fire. Dad’s worked real hard. He’s retired now, but Sammy and I have this..I dunno, bond, I guess. I’ve been more of a dad to him then our actual father.” Dean chuckled bitterly. “Kid’s smart though--wants to be a lawyer out of all things. No sisters though.”

Cas felt his chest warm at Dean’s affection. “I’d like to meet him, one day, maybe. I’m sorry about your mother. My parents divorced, but I’ve never had to experience a death.”

Dean chuckled. “It’s alright. Not so bad, after a while. And I’d love that. Sammy needs another male figure in his life.”

Cas grinned. “My brothers are Gabriel, Michael, and Lucifer. My sister is Anna. We were all one big happy family until....some things happened, and Mother couldn’t handle it, and divorced my Father, and took me away from everyone.”

“Why you?” Dean asked, and watched as Cas’s face scrunched up in pain. “Hey, hey, what’s wrong?” Dean’s right hand instinctively left the steering wheel and grabbed Cas’s thigh, squeezing tightly. Cas gasped and blue eyes met intensely frantic green.

“It’s complicated.” Cas answered, face smoothing out, and then he relaxed against the seat like nothing ever happened.

“What was that, what just happened?” Dean asked, turning into the local McDonalds for breakfast.

“You asked me, ‘why me’, and I told you. It’s complicated. I answered.”

“What was…” Dean’s eyes raked over Cas’s body for a moment before sighing, giving up. “What do you want?” He asked as he pulled up to the menu.

Cas’s eyes looked over the menu, and felt his stomach erupt in butterflies. His mom was so anal about his diet that he’d never been within unnecessary distance of a McDonalds. He licked his lips and ordered simply breakfast wraps while Dean decided to order the biggest burger they had with an extra meat patty.

Dean had ended up ordering Cas three wraps and piled them in his lap. “You barely ate yesterday. Eat.”

“I don’t think…” Cas started, looking at the bigger-than-the-picture wraps piled heavily on his lap. “I can eat all this.”

“If I can eat this,” Dean gestured to the huge burger bigger than his mouth, “then you can eat those poor excuses of a wrap.”

Cas sighed, defeated, and unwrapped one. “We’re very late for class.”

“No, we’re missing first period completely.” Dean laughed, half the sandwich suddenly gone. “We’ll be on time for second period.” He smiled when Cas shoved a third of the wrap in his mouth and bit off, filling up his cheeks while he chewed. He looked like a chipmunk, and Dean found himself adoring it.

“It’s my fault we’re late,” Cas mumbled through food. He swallowed before continuing. “I knew you’d be here and I slept in anyways, knowing I needed a shower.” He sighed. “We can’t turn this into a habit.”

Dean found the biggest grin he could believe formed on his face at the idea of this being an everyday thing. He liked Cas. He really did. Even though something wasn’t really right with the kid, Dean liked him anyways. He was beautiful, a bit shy and awkward, but Dean was sure that after a while that would wear off. If not, he’d still enjoy it.

“Hey, Cas,” Dean said after clearing his throat of burger.

“Hmm?” Cas asked, cheeks stuffed once more.

“Have you gotten the chance to see the town yet?”

Cas gulped down his food and reached in his bag for the bottle of water hidden in there for emergencies. He unscrewed the cap and let the water run down his throat. “Well, not yet, really. I was going to wait for a sunny day.”

“Saturday,” Dean nodded, “We should go see the town. I’ll give you the rundown on everything.”

Cas smiled. “Really? I don’t want to pull you away from your weekend. I know you have popular friends that would like to hang out with you.” Cas began on the second wrap, to Dean’s pleasure.

“Nah, none of them would be as fun as showing you around,” Dean admitted. “You’re interesting.”

“Interesting?” Cas frowned. “Hardly interesting. Maybe a bit sarcastic and passive aggressive, and at times incredibly overemotional. But not interesting.”

“I think you are.” Dean said, kind of quiet, but it seemed unbearably loud in Castiel’s ears.

“Well, thank you.” He smiled. “I find you very interesting, as well.” Dean chuckled, shook his head, and Baby roared back to life. The ride to school was filled with Asia and Kansas, bands that Cas wasn’t particularly familiar with, and that ended in Dean setting a day--Sunday--to show him what music was really about.

When they got to the school, they both signed in as late, and walked to their lockers. Dean’s was first because it was closest, but after Dean shoved his book bag neatly away and got out what he needed, he took Cas’s from his arms and threw it around his shoulders.

“Why are you carrying my bookbag?” Cas frowned deeply. “I’m capable of carrying it another hallway.”

“It was breaking your back. I’m not blind, Cas, it’s okay.” Dean smiled down at him and they turned the corner. Cas walked a bit ahead to go ahead and unlock his locker for Dean. That gave Dean the advantage to look at him while he struggled slightly to open it.

His jeans were dark and falling down slightly. Cas stopped for a moment to pull them back up to their respectful position, but as he worked on the combination once more, they began to fall. Cas yanked the locker open and turned to Dean as he was examining the red beanie that clashed with his dark hair perfectly.

Dean hung the bag on the hook and opened it, grabbing his books for the first few periods and handing them to him. Cas mumbled a shy thanks and shut the locker. They walked two more hallways over in silence just as the bell rang, people flooding the hallways.

Cas seemed to come closer to Dean, just enough for their arms to brush. His head fell down and Dean navigated through the sea of people, weaving towards the door with Cas on his tail. They went into the empty room and Cas visibly relaxed.

“Don’t like crowds?” Dean guessed, an amused smile on his lips.

“Not really,” Cas sighed, placing his books down on his desk. Dean sat down in his seat beside of him and stretched his long legs out, resting them on the chair in front of him. “I have slight claustrophobia.”

“Uh, fear of crowds, I’m guessing?”

“Tight spaces, crowds, things such as, yes.” Cas thumbed back another response to Gabe’s message, telling him he was in class, that he’d call during lunch.

The day went by fine, and Dean found that Cas was doing very well that day. He hadn’t gotten sick or tired or went pale. He ate the same amount of lunch as the day before, and insisted they go outside to enjoy the sunlight while it was out.

Dean led them out to the garden that Cas was admiring the day before, and Cas loved it.

“I love nature,” Cas admitted with a loving smile on his face.

“Me too,” Dean said, but his eyes were really only on Cas. How could he feel so attached to a boy he’d met the day before?

Cas’s phone started buzzing and he sighed, taking his eyes off the pink tree to slide a finger across the screen. “Hello,” he answered, his voice taking on a different note.

Dean tried not to listen, but he couldn’t help it.

“Yes, Gabe, I’m okay today. I promise. Yes. She’s okay. How’s dad? Yeah, I’ll still come over during Thanksgiving break. Tell them I say hi. Yeah, I miss you guys too. You, too, Gabe. Bye.”

Dean’s eyes caught Cas’s when he looked up from his phone. “Sorry. My brother.”

“It’s alright,” Dean chuckled. “Don’t have to apologize for everything, you know.”

Cas shrugged, a frown on his face. “Sorry…” and then he laughed and pursed his lips tightly, his face going red like that damn apology wanted to rip a hole through him just to be heard.

The bell rang, and they were both forced back to fourth period.

The day went by like the day before. Normal, except Cas didn’t get sick. Dean walked to Cas’s locker and let Cas carry his bag since he insisted. He decided to leave his bag in his locker, despite the homework. Cas had lectured him on the importance of homework and how he wouldn’t get into a good college if he didn’t do it.

Dean decided to switch the conversation to Cas, and asked him, “Where do you want to go to college at?”

Cas smiled fondly. “Carver, maybe,” Cas thought for a moment. “Maybe Yale.”

“Big colleges, big colleges,” Dean grinned. “I think you can do it.”

Cas smiled, now sadly, “Maybe.” He sighed. “Where would you go?”

“Sam talks about Stanford a lot, so maybe there, but probably just a community college to be honest.” Dean chuckled.

“What would you go for?” Cas asked as they neared the Impala. Dean smoothed his hands over her hood and smiled.

“I’d go to work on cars. I love workin’ on Baby.” Cas smiled at Dean’s own when he caressed the hood. “What about you?”

“I have no idea what I’d go for,” Cas laughed. “I’d probably change majors five times like my mother.” He smiled. “She ended up quitting.” His smiled melted into a frown and he scratched at his beanie-free head. When he realized it was in his hands, he pulled it over his head and smoothed his hands over the sides where his ears hid.

They drove to Cas’s house with rock music playing softly in the background, as softly as rock music could play. Cas often found Dean headbanging and tapping his fingers on the steering wheel, getting lost in the guitar.

They pulled up into Cas’s empty driveway and Dean turned Baby off. Cas frowned slightly at the lack of his mom’s mini coop. He didn’t know where she’d be, or how long she’d be gone. So, he decided to be nice.

“Would you like to come inside?” Cas asked, opening the door slightly, nodding towards his house.

Dean waited a moment, thinking, and nodded. “Sure, I’ll come in.”

Dean grabbed his keys from the ignition and shutting the door behind him. Cas led them up to his porch where Cas pulled the potted plant over and grabbed a little key. He inserted it into the door and opened it, then put it back where it belonged.

They walked inside, cool air hitting them, and the smell of flowers. They walked through a small walkway where there was a coffee table and coat hanger with some blazers and a few sweaters that seemed Cas’s style. Under the coffee table was shoes. Two pairs of heels, a pair of Toms, a pair of combat boots, and girly sandals. Cas dropped his bag on the coffee table and motioned for Dean to follow him into the wide, open kitchen.

The floors were made of mahogany and the walls painted a soft orange. Dean felt thoroughly at home, more than his own house. The kitchen was marble and dark, something Dean would see in magazines.

He watched as Cas made himself at home, visibly relaxing, pulling off his beanie and tossing it on the counter. He opened the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water, then turned to Dean. “Do you want some water?” He asked, biting at his lip, and Dean found himself more focused on that than the question. “I’d offer soda but my mom is a health freak.” He laughed awkwardly.

Dean’s eyes snapped up to blue as he nodded. “Sure, I’ll take some water.”

Cas weakly tossed Dean a bottle of water, and watched as it flew through the air and barely got to Dean. He sighed, pushing the inevitable thoughts to the back of his mind.

“If you want, we can go to my room. It’s not much, but yeah. Or we can watch some tv, if you feel like staying that long. I’m not sure where my mom is…” he trailed off, pursing his lips. While he waited for Dean to figure out what he wanted to do, he walked over to the coffee table by the door and kicked off his converses, shoving them under the table with his toes.

“We can hang in your room for a bit,” Dean concluded, smiling, watching as Cas blushed and led the way up the stairs.

Cas’s bedroom was the second door on the right. It was painted a grey-ish blue, the floors a mahogany like the rest of the house. He had one dresser with a flat screen, a large closet with double doors, and a big queen bed up against the back wall, full of random blankets and pillows that all matched.

“Uh..it’s messy,” Cas laughed awkwardly as Dean walked through, looking at everything, his green eyes catching a particular picture stuck to a bulletin board beside his window. Cas frowned tightly, gauging Dean’s expression from the picture.

It was a couple years ago, back before he was diagnosed. He was tan, a wide smile, bright, healthy blue eyes and full cheeks. His hair was shiny and full and would grow long enough past his eyes to cut off. His body was filled out nicely, he even had a small pack of abs. Now all he had was some sharp ribs, pale skin, thinning hair, and weighed 15 pounds less than that picture.

“You look different,” Dean noted.

“Yeah...that’s before my mom and dad divorced.” Cas chuckled slightly. “Can be stressful.”

Dean nodded. “Yeah, I know. When mom died I didn’t eat properly for four weeks. I looked like a prickly stick, I was so thin,” he laughed, turning to Cas. “Which brothers are with you here?”

Cas walked over, carefully, almost as if Dean was going to guess what’s wrong with him. He pointed to the one standing to Cas’s right on the picture. “That’s Gabriel.” His finger slid across the photo to the left. “That’s Lucifer.”

“What about Michael?”

“He doesn’t come around a whole lot. Only when,” Cas coughed, “someone dies or gets married. He stays with his wife in Canada for the most part. Only really visits dad, anyway,”

Dean frowned. “I’m sorry,”

“No, no, it’s okay.” Cas smiled, or tried to. “We’re okay.”

Dean felt the overwhelming urge to just fucking plant his mouth on Cas’s. If there was a moment, that was it. But before he could even begin to lean, Cas’s bedroom door opened, showing a woman with a very sculpted nose and jawline. Dark hair came just past her shoulders and a fringe that rested on her brunette eyebrows.

“Castiel,” She said, frowning, “Who’s this?”

Cas jumped and coughed nervously, stepping away from Dean when he noticed how close they actually were. Just a breath apart.

“Uh, this is my friend from school--Dean Winchester.” Cas turned to Dean. “Dean, this is my lovely mother; Hannah Smith.”

Dean grinned, and Cas swooned. Hannah noticed with a small glance to her son, but gave an unsure smile to Dean when he came forward to hug her. “Hi, Miss Smith,” His hug was gentle and a bit awkward, considering the height difference.

“Please, call me Hannah,” She laughed slightly. Dean nodded, agreeing. “Cas, do you think you’d like your friend to stay for dinner?”

Dean’s eyebrows shot up, and when he looked at Cas, he was fiddling with the bottom of his t-shirt and looking at Dean, almost lost, with his mouth slightly open and his eyes wide.

“If he wants to,” Cas said, sending Dean a small smile.

**“Sure, I’d love to,” Dean grinned to Hannah, then to Cas, who blushed deeply, turning redder than a tomato. Dean’s staying for dinner, and Cas couldn’t believe it.**


	3. i'll never leave you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ****SECOND HALF REWRITTEN****  
> Dean gets told Cas's terrible fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please note the second half of the chapter has been rewritten!!! I wasn't happy with it and felt it didn't go with the plot, so please reread at least the second half. You don't have to read it, but know that it might be a tiny bit confusing in the next few chapters because of the changes.****
> 
> Again, thank you so much for all the kudos! Another longish chapter. I know this story is moving sort of fast, but I'm terrible at keeping things slow, so try to use your brain to slow it down for you. Please keep leaving kudos and comments, they motivate me to the max! I hope everyone's having an amazing day, please leave a kudos on your way off the page if you will :) Please enjoy, thank you so much!

Hannah insisted on immediately starting dinner, leaving the boys up in Cas’s room. Cas was thoroughly surprised she didn’t ask them to come down to the living room, or ask to keep their door open.

Cas knew he was gay for a while now. He didn’t showcase it, of course, he didn’t need to be bullied anymore than he already did. He wanted to assume Dean went the same way, but he was too natural with the girls, too guy-ish with the boys, but he was so handsy with Cas that somewhere deep down, Castiel wished it were true.

Dean on the other hand wasn’t even sure. He always went with what his gut told him, which he always went after the women. That’s what his dad taught him, that’s what Mary always mentioned. When he laid eyes on Cas, God, it was a completely new perspective. It was like he was zeroed in, only Cas, only the sea in his eyes. Only the urge to kiss him right as his mom walked in.

Hannah got the vibes from them, and trusted Cas enough. She knew her baby boy didn’t exactly have too long, and wanted him to have as many experiences as possible, but she just didn’t want him to get hurt in the end. She wondered if Dean knew about Cas’s illness. She wondered that if he didn’t, would he run when he did? Her heart ached at the thought of poor Cas going into a depression over a boy being to scared to go with him through this.

It was a disease that ran people off, that was for sure.

Upstairs, Dean sighed. He’d lost his moment for that damn kiss and disappointment flowed through him. Cas sat down awkwardly on the bed. “There isn’t a whole lot to do around here. I usually read or sit outside.”

“It’s alright.” Dean sat down beside of him, close, their thighs brushing. “What’s your favorite color?”

“Green,” Cas seemed to breathe, his answer immediate, and his head shyly looking up to connect with Dean’s green eyes. “What’s yours?” He whispered. He seemed to have lost his voice.

“Blue.” Dean answered, and god dammit, he took his chance, and leaned down and pressed his mouth to Cas’s.

Cas stilled, gasping, and almost seemed to lean away at first. Then he relaxed after a shocked moment, and kissed back. It was simple, just one of a trial. Their mouths seemed to fit together perfectly, molding into one another softly. Dean’s hand slid around to curl into Cas’s hair while Cas kept his hands awkwardly in his lap.

Dean pulled away, suddenly uncharacteristically shy, and blushed away. “Sorry.”

Cas was blushing so much it almost hurt. “It’s okay.” He breathed, panting. “I liked it.”

Dean’s eyes snapped over to Cas’s, which seemed to be 10x more bluer than any other time he’d seen. His cheeks were flushed red, hair slightly a mess, lips kind of puckered. Dean grinned. “So did I,”

“Please,” Cas found his voice and cleared his throat. “If you’d like to continue, don’t be shy.”

Dean was about to take him up on the offer when Hannah knocked quietly. She noticed how close Dean was and how Cas was turned toward him, every piece of him slightly more askew than when she left. She smiled fondly.

“Dinner is almost done,” she said.

“So quickly?” Cas frowned.

“Yes,” she was curt and looked at Dean. “You boys clean up and help set the table, yeah?”

“Yes ma’am,” Dean grinned, nudging slightly at Cas who bowed his head in embarrassment, as if he knew his mother knew exactly what they’d been doing.

Hannah gave a knowing grin and shut the door behind her, hearing Dean’s almost contagious laugh as she walked down the stairs.

Cas continued to blush, bringing his hands up to rub at his face. Dean tucked a finger slightly under his chin and brought Cas’s face up for his lips to meet Dean’s. Cas found himself more relaxed, more willing this time, and leaned up into him, his lips pressing a bit harder than before.

Dean pulled back, their foreheads still brushing. “C’mon,” he said, standing, and putting a hand out for Cas to take. He took it willingly and let Dean haul him to his feet, where he stumbled slightly. They made their way down the stairs and washed their hands in the kitchen before setting the table.

Cas took his usual spot on the outer side of the table while his mother took the spot at the head on his left. Dean sat to his right. Everything was laid out nicely in front of them, and Dean was about to help himself like he normally would when Hannah spoke up.

“Have you ever said Grace, Dean?” Hannah asked, and Cas’s curiosity piqued, his blue eyes gluing to Dean’s.

“Um, well, my mom used to do it, but that stopped when I was four...so not really,”

Cas saw that Dean was in an odd situation, so he spoke up. “I’ll say Grace, mother,” Hannah smiled and nodded.

“Of course.”

She reached and grabbed her son’s hand, and Cas reached for Dean’s. His hand was slightly cold and clammy, but Dean made up for that by interlacing their fingers together. Cas coughed awkwardly while they all bowed their heads.

“Uh,” he cleared his throat. “Thank you our Dear Lord for blessing us with this delicious food and our wonderful new friend, Dean,” Cas squeezed Dean’s hand under the table, “and the amazing lives we live. Amen,”

Dean stayed silent while Hannah mumbled an amen, and then told everyone to dig in.

At first it was a bit quiet while everyone grabbed what they wanted, and Hannah noticed the tension and decided to start a conversation. “So, Dean, how long have you lived in Lawrence?”

“My whole life,” he answered immediately, glancing up to make eye contact. “I’ve only moved houses.”

“What was the reason for that?”

Dean felt Cas tense up beside of him, so Dean did what his instincts told him to do, and grabbed Cas’s thigh, giving it a squeeze. “Well, when I was four, my house caught on fire. We lost my mom and almost my little brother to it. We had to relocate.” He chuckled, trying to lighten it up.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry to hear that,” Hannah frowned deeply.

“It’s alright. I miss her, always, but it’s gotten easier over the years. It’s only been hard explaining to my brother, Sam, why he doesn’t have a mom.” Hannah tsked, a sad look crossing over her face, and sighed.

“Bad things always seem to happen to good people,” she declared, and Dean felt Cas tense under his hand again while he played with a carrot. “But God will not give us anything we cannot handle.”

Dean smiled. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome. We’ve had our fair share of tragedies in our lifetime.”

Cas knew his mother was trying to bring it up, so he coughed, gaining either of their attention, and gave his mother a hard look that said ‘NO!’. Hannah continued anyways.

“What made you guys move to Lawrence, of all places?” Dean laughed slightly, and saw Cas’s head fall from his peripherals. It was like Dean knew and wanted to hear them say it.

Hannah seemed to hesitate, but in the end decided it was for the best. “Well...when Zach and I found out Cas had cancer,”

Dean interrupted them there. “What?” He wasn’t sure he’d heard correctly. Cas turned to stone and stopped playing with his carrot. Dean turned to Cas. “Cas?”

Cas’s voice was low, so quiet Dean almost couldn’t hear, but it seemed so loud at the same time. “Um...when I was, uh, thirteen, I hadn’t been feeling well and found out I had leukemia.”

“Go on, Cas,” Hannah said, her eyes stone cold against Dean’s. Dean looked at her for a moment, anger flaring at her pressuring Cas into telling something he obviously didn’t want to tell. “Tell him.” She demanded.

Cas began shaking underneath Dean’s hand. “It...it went away,” Cas choked, a rough sob escaping his chest. He fumbling to push himself away from the table, standing up, “E-Excuse me,” he said through tears and ran upstairs. Dean could hear Cas crying all the way downstairs and he went to push himself away from the table when Hannah stopped him.

“You need to know this--”

“No,” Dean almost hissed, cutting Hannah off sharply. “You’ve gotten the main point across. Let Cas tell me by himself. He doesn’t need you pressuring him.”

He stood, but so did Hannah. “Listen to me,” she growled, and Dean was almost scared for a moment, but dammit, Cas was crying. He wasn’t scared, he was pissed off. “You know what’s wrong with him now. Why don’t you just leave? He doesn’t need this. He doesn’t need to be falling for anyone, not now. You’re not going to make an impact on his life just to leave when it gets bad, because trust me, this is nothing compared to how bad he’s going to get.”

“Who says I’m leaving?” Dean huffed, exasperated. “Just because someone else left, or whatever,” Dean’s eyes narrowed, testing Hannah while she stewed under his heated view, “Doesn’t mean I am.”

“I think you need to leave.” Hannah finally demanded, a finger pointing to the door.

“And leave Cas up there crying?” Dean scoffed, turning towards the stairs. Hannah rounded the table and blocked the staircase, pushing Dean’s chest away. Dean glared, green eyes angry and intimidating, but Hannah never backed down, her blue eyes a pure reflection of Castiel’s -ones of deep blue seas and pure emotion. “Fuck that.”

“Please leave, Dean,” Hannah pleaded, her eyes now begging, and in the upper part of the house they could both hear Cas’s rugged, heartbreaking sobs. All Dean wanted to do was console him, tell him it wasn’t his fault.

Dammit, he didn’t care he’d barely known the guy a few days. He knew chemistry and longing like this was rare, and he’d be damned if he let some stuck-up, worrisome, overbearingly strict mother let Cas slide by. Cas was special.

But Dean wasn’t getting up those stairs. Hannah wasn’t going to allow it. He had no choice but to sigh. Pursing his lips, he dug his keys from his pocket and turned on the heel of his boot, and stomped out of the house, slamming the door behind him.

Back inside the house, Hannah rubbed her face with her hands and looked at the mess on the table. Deciding she’d tackle it later, maybe persuade Cas down to help her so he could talk it out, she walked up the stairs and leaned gently against Castiel’s door.

“Cas, sweetie…”

“D-Did he leave? Is he still here? I need to talk to him,” Cas cried out, voice deep with sadness and more unshed tears.

Hannah felt the guilt build up inside of her for making Dean leave, and pushed the words out. “He left, Castiel. He’s gone.” Somewhere inside Cas’s room, she heard something break, and Cas cry a bit harder. They muffled briefly and she rattled the door handle, finding it locked.

“Castiel, please open the door,” she pleaded, a tear slipping from her eye.

“Go away, mom,” Cas sniffled, and that was the last Hannah heard from him for the rest of the night.

She forced herself back down the stairs and cleaned up the mess on the dining table, scraping off all the uneaten food from everyone’s plates and cleaning them all off.

The house was quiet for the rest of the night, and by 10PM she assumed Cas had fallen asleep. She checked on him three times since Dean had left, knocking quietly, and not receiving an answer. She had to retire to bed by 11 and on her way past Castiel’s door, she knocked softly.

“Cas?” She asked, and again, didn’t get an answer.

Cas sat on the other side of the door, blankets wadded behind his back as a cushion, a throw blanket over his legs, and a pillow clutched in his arms. His face was tight and red from all the tears he cried and his chest felt restrained from all his sobs.

He wanted to say he felt better after having a good cry, but now he simply felt lonely, depressed, and the aching thought of why don’t I just keel over and die already? haunted the back of his mind.

Dean had left. Somewhere Cas knew he was going to, but he hoped Dean was different. His mom continued to be right. She told him not to get attached, that no one understood him, that no one would be good enough to go with him through this. He should’ve listened, because now all he was left with was loneliness, a bad stomach ache, and the heavy weight of depression on his shoulders.

At some point throughout the night, he rolled over into a fetal position and fell asleep, but it didn’t last long because he woke to a stomach ache and the bad taste of vomit creeping up his throat.

Barely, he made it to the toilets, and after he flushed and sat back against the cool bath tub, sticky cold sweats against every inch of his skin, Hannah opened the door, a sad smile on her face. She knelt down beside of him and pulled his shuddering body into her much steadier side.

“It’s okay, sweetie,” she pecked the side of his head, rubbing her hand up and down his arm.

Cas swallowed down the next urge and wiped his hand across his forehead. Sighing, he leaned his head on his mother’s shoulder. “Did he say anything?” He asked quietly, “At all? When he left?”

Hannah sighed, and shook her head. “No, he didn’t say anything. He was angry, and upset I think. But he didn’t really say anything.”

Cas shuddered again, a single, icy tear dripping from his eye. He stood, his lip trembling, and walked over to the sink. He ran cold water and splashed it on his face, hands gripping the side of the sink tightly while his mother watched him from the floor.

He grabbed the hand towel and dabbed his face and took one last glance at his mom, and escaped back into his room.

The next morning, Cas didn’t get out of bed. He didn’t feel like it. He didn’t want to face the people at school, didn’t want to face Dean. He felt terrible, more cold sweats on his skin, and a slight sick feeling in his stomach. He felt dizzy, and simply tired. He just wanted to sleep.

But outside, Dean pulled into the empty driveway. Hannah had offered to stay home and care for Cas, but he insisted. She needed to work. Hannah wasn’t sure if Dean would show up to pick Cas up for school after yesterday, but Cas was positive he wouldn’t, so Cas’s surprise was inevitable when the familiar purr of Baby’s engine cut off outside his house.

Castiel forced himself off of his bed and pushed himself towards his window, where he saw Dean sitting in the drivers side, fingers tapping against the steering wheel, seemingly waiting for Cas.

Sighing, Cas grabbed an oversized sweater from his closet and slipped it over his head. He slowly made his way down the steps, trying not to fall from the light headedness in his head, and shoved his bare feet into his black combat boots.

He knew he looked ridiculous in a big sweater, boxers, and boots, but he really didn’t care. He wasn’t in the mood or at proper health standards to care at that moment, and pushed the front door open.

Dean’s eyes instantly glued to the door that Cas shuffled out of. He frowned, and pushed the door open.

“Cas?” He stood, leaning against the car door, watching as Cas crossed his arms (admittedly cute, Dean had to say) across his chest and a small frown setting on his face.

“Why are you here?” Cas asked, his voice quiet. He stopped about a foot away from Dean, despite the ultimate urge to just collapse against him and cry another river. “You left last night. I didn’t think you’d come back.”

“I…” Dean laughed, but didn’t continue. “What’s up with you Cas?”

“What do you mean, what’s up with me?” Cas was getting angry. He didn’t exactly have a reason, but he was. “You know what’s up with me. I have cancer, Dean. I’m dying. That’s what’s up.”

Dean marched forward and grabbed Castiel’s face in between his hands. “You gotta stop talkin’ like that, Cas,” Dean sighed. “Look...if you want me...if you want to do this,” Dean shook his head. “God, I’ve never done this before. Cas, if you--”

Cas cut him off, pushing his body to his tip-toes and pressing his mouth to Dean’s.

“Yes,” Cas sighed against Dean’s mouth, a small laugh escaping his chest. “I want to.”

**“Good,” Dean grinned, pulling Cas to him in a hug, wrapping his arms around Castiel’s waist. “I want you to know I’m not going to leave because of this. Not unless you want me to. I’ll be here, every step of the way.”**


	4. acute myeloid leukemia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is a bit shorter than the other ones so far, but that is because this one is mainly an informational chapter. It's still a piece of the story, nonetheless, but we finally get the run-down on Cas's cancer while having some cutesy moments between them ;) Thank you everyone SO SO much for all the amazing comments so far and all the kudos! It literally means so much to me, I thought I was going to post this story and everyone was going to ignore it. I hope everyone enjoys this chapter, despite it's shortness, and leaves a comment or a kudos below! Either would be appreciated!

“Come inside,” Cas pulled Dean back into his house, which was still in a sort of clutter from the night before. It all flashed back to either of them, but they both pushed it to the back of their brain. “Mom had to work this morning...so, she won’t be back until two.”

“Um, Cas,” Dean sighed, pulling Castiel back to him before they began climbing the stairs. “Should we talk about last night?”

Cas visibly stiffened and Dean felt the guilt seep through. He pulled Cas into his chest and hugged him tight. “Never mind.” He mumbled into Castiel’s hair, rocking him slightly. It was a moment before he felt Cas’s body shake with a silent sob. Dean pulled Cas back and frowned. “What’s wrong?”

“We need to talk about it.” Cas sniffled, wiping his own tears. “If we don’t, I’ll keep avoiding it. I need to get it out.”

“Okay, Cas, alright,” Dean nodded, and laced his fingers with Cas. “C’mon.”

When they got to Castiel’s bedroom, Cas blushed deeply, seeing the mess he hadn’t yet cleaned up. The things off his desk were in the floor from the midst of a rage, and his bed was a mess, but Dean really didn’t seem to mind. Seemed to understand, even.

He caught Cas off guard when he tugged off his boots, socks, jeans, and then his leather jacket Cas hadn’t seen him wear yet. They all ended up in a pile in the floor. Cas watched, face red, Dean as he climbed into Cas’s bed and stretched his arms and curled his fingers in the ‘come here’ motion.

Cas, still blushing, took off his sweater and kicked off his boots and climbed up, curling into Dean’s warm side. His eyes slipped shut for a moment when Dean reached around and pulled a duvet over them, tucking it into Cas’s side. When he opened them, he noticed Dean’s shirt had tugged down slightly, exposing a piece of his chest.

“Where did you get that?” Cas asked, fingers tentatively reaching up to trace the tattoo on Dean’s chest.

“Oh, everyone in my family has one.” Dean explained briefly. “It’s an anti-possession symbol. “It’s supposed to mean we’ll always stay true to ourselves, you know, don’t let anything get to our heads and change us.”

Cas smiled, warmly. “I really like that.”

Dean caught himself smiling back. “Thank you.”

“What’s your family like?” Cas asked, resting his head on Dean’s chest. He could hear his heartbeat under his ear. It was a steady rhythm. Ba-bum, ba-bum, ba-bum. It calmed Cas down, even steadied his own rapid, nervous heart.

Dean figured Cas was trying to distract himself. Maybe so he wouldn’t have to talk, or maybe to get the nerves off. Either way, Dean didn’t really mind.

“Well,” Dean cleared his throat quietly. “You know my mom passed in the fire. But, um, when she was still alive, she was the most amazing woman I’ll ever know. She was soft spoken, loving, beautiful. She had this long, pretty blond hair she’d let me play with when I was bored. She was always dressed in something soft, satin, or silk. When I was upset, she’d make pie.” Dean laughed quietly, his eyes now staring off into space, as if he were reliving it.

“She sounds amazing.”

“She was,” Dean smiled now, sadly, and shrugged slightly underneath Cas. “My dad, though. He’s rough and tough, the complete opposite of my mom. They somehow managed to get along. After mom died, he got back into alcohol and went on hunting trips a lot, leavin’ Sammy with me most of the time. When he was home, he’d work on cars, usually helping me fix up the Impala. Sammy grew up differently. Maybe it’s because I sorta raised him. He didn’t grow up like me, tough and dirty. I kept him clean, kept him sharp. He’s a freshman now. Wants to be a lawyer, like I told you. I think he’ll get there.”

“Your family sounds great,” Cas coughed a little, and smiled through it. “Much better than mine, honestly,”

“No, I doubt that,” Dean chuckled, running his fingers up and down Cas’s arm. “Tell me about them.”

“Gabriel is the most compassionate. He checks on me a lot, makes sure I’m alright. Lucifer is a bit less caring, but sympathetic, and keeps tabs on me as well. He’s the black sheep of the family, you could say. Always getting into some sort of trouble. Gabe and I used to keep him in check, but that was before mom and dad divorced. After we found out, about...my cancer,” Cas coughed a bit, “Michael pushed himself away from the family. He blames me for mom and dad splitting, but I can’t hardly blame him.”

“Cas, don’t say stuff like that. You know it’s not your fault.”

“I know...I know it’s not my fault that I got sick. I know nothing I could have done would’ve stopped it, but it was still me nonetheless.” Cas shook his head, insisting, and Dean knew he couldn’t fight that, so he sighed.

“You still shouldn’t blame yourself. It was your parents decision to break it off. You didn’t force them to, it was their choice.”

“Anyways,” Cas muttered, not wanting to continue that part of the topic, “Michael got married and moved to Canada. He only comes back to Illinois if dad asks him to. Otherwise, he could care less.”

“I’m sorry,” Dean frowned.

“It’s alright. We’re okay.” Cas insisted, and smiled up to Dean. “Nothing to worry about.”

Dean had to round Cas back towards the topic he wanted to talk about, or he knew Cas would find a way to bypass it. He didn’t want to pressure Cas into it, but he knew Cas actually wanted to talk about it. He just didn’t know how to start.

“Now...what about your sickness?”

Cas pursed his lips. “When I was thirteen I hadn’t been feeling well, so Mom took me to the doctor. I went in with a bloody nose, a fever, and fatigue. They did some bloodwork and found out I had Acute Myeloid Leukemia. It’s where you have abnormal cells in your bone marrow. These cells grow really fast and replace the good, healthy blood cells. That type of cancer is really rare in people under 40 years old, so the doctors were really surprised when they found it.

“Acute means the cancer develops very quickly, meaning less time to treat it, less time to live in general. When they found it, it was at an early stage, so they were able to treat it better. After several rounds of chemotherapy, it disappeared, and I went into relapse, which means it goes away, for four years. If it doesn’t come back within five years, you’re declared cured.” Cas laughed, “It was my luck, honestly.” He muttered, and then continued.

“Two weeks ago, just before we moved here, is when we found out it came back. I started having shortness of breath, and I bruised really easily. My fever came back, and when we went to the doctor again, I’d lost ten pounds. She ran more tests and found it. So, that’s when mom packed our things and we moved out here. She said it was for this really good doctor she found but I know it’s because she couldn’t stand to be in Illinois anymore. There were too many memories. I didn’t want to be there either.”

Cas trailed off, toying with Dean’s shirt, and waited for Dean to say something. It took him a moment, but he did.

“So...Cas, what’s going to happen? What’s going on now?”

“I don’t expect it to go away again.” Cas finally said it, staring up into Dean’s worried green eyes. “I don’t expect to get better this time, I want you to know.”

“But what’s going to happen?” Dean persisted.

“Right now, I have an appointment with this new doctor next Wednesday. Apparently he’s very busy and popular. Until then, I’ll have the symptoms. I’ll have a fever, I’ll be fatigue, I’ll bruise to the slightest pressure, my bones will hurt. I’ll be tired most of the time, and I’ll probably start losing more weight. Like I said, acute means fast developing, so a lot of this is going to be happening soon.”

“What’s the doctor going to do when you go see him?”

“He’ll most likely run tests to make sure it’s what I have, and then start me on another chemo plan. But…” Cas shook his head, frowning deeply. Dean gently put his finger under Cas’s chin and brought blue to meet green.

“What, Cas? But what?”

“I don’t want to do chemo again.” Tears built up in Castiel’s sad, blue oceans, and spilled. “I really don’t. I just want it to run it’s course naturally.”

“Why don’t you want to?” Dean asked softly. “You don’t have to Cas, it’s your body, you don’t have to.”

“I don’t like hospitals, and they quarantine me so I won’t get sick. I lose a bunch of weight and I throw up constantly. I don’t want to go through all of that again. I just want God to do what he plans to do.”

Dean pressed his mouth to Cas’s, kissing him, pushing all of his reassurance into Cas, willing him to accept it. And he did. Cas kissed back even harder, wrapping his arms around Dean’s neck and hoisting himself slightly over Dean, throwing one leg over his hips and hooking it. Cas opened his mouth against Dean’s, and felt Dean’s warm, sweet tongue slide against his own, tentatively.

They tasted, testing it out, but their hands gripped and pulled against each other, trying to get closer, until it was simply impossible in that moment.

Cas pulled away, gasping, breathing fast and eyes wide. “I’m sorry.” Cas gasped, noting his leg, but he made no move to unhook it. Dean chuckled and wrapped an arm around Cas’s lower back, pulling him up slightly higher, welcoming it.

“It’s alright.”

“Dean,” Cas began, fumbling with his fingers in between their bodies. “I want you to come with me...on Wednesday.”

Dean felt his mouth go dry, but he nodded. “Of course. Anything you want, you got it.”

Cas smiled and pecked Dean’s lips. “Thank you.”

**After that, it didn’t take him long to fall back asleep, Dean running fingers up and down his spine like feathers, coaxing him into the best sleep he’s had in a long, long time.**


	5. a book and a lake pt.1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean shows Cas around Lawrence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a longer chapter, so i hope everyone enjoys! Thank you all so much for the kudos and the comments! If you could drop one below, it would be so so so so SO S O appreciated! It fuels me because I know people are reading. Enjoy! :)

Saturday rolled around undeniably quickly. The rest of the week went by...fine, according to Dean. Cas continued to have headaches, night sweats, and the new kid Dean only knew for barely a week was suddenly Dean’s very first obligation in life. His top priority. Cas was now practically his best friend--a best friend that he kissed, often, and didn’t even care.

Hannah had gotten used to seeing Dean come around after school very quickly. Sometimes he stayed for dinner, other times he only stayed long enough to say goodbye to Cas until morning when he’d pick him back up for school.

Cas almost made school more enjoyable. The work was still boring, the food was still disgusting, but with Cas there, he had someone to talk to, someone to look after, someone to secretly steal a kiss from when no one was looking.

On Saturday morning, Dean was up by eleven. The house was empty, unsurprisingly. Sam was probably at his friend’s house and his dad was undoubtedly out in the garage. Dean went to make himself a huge breakfast to tame his growling stomach, but quickly he remembered promising Cas he’d show him around town.

He figured that also involved having breakfast and lunch with him, too.

Dean was excited, admittedly more than he has been in a very, very long time. He slipped on some dark jeans and a white t-shirt with a plaid flannel over it, and then of course his jacket to block out the oncoming cold of the pending winter. He slipped on his combat boots and tied them up, and was on his way to Cas’s in less than ten minutes.

He knocked, trying to keep polite, and Hannah answered the door, still in her pajamas and robe. “Oh, Dean, I wasn’t expecting you today. Is Cas expecting you?”

“Yeah, he should be--” Dean was cut off by Cas appearing in the background, a wide smile on his face. To Hannah’s surprise, Cas was already dressed. Dean grinned and held his hand out to him, which Castiel took, a blush rising on his face when Hannah raised her eyebrows.

“What are you two up to?”

“Dean is going to show me around town.”

“Oh, how sweet of you Dean,” Hannah smiled warmly, appreciative. “I hope you two have fun. Castiel, if you need anything, you know to call me.”

“Yes, mom, I know,” Hannah kissed her forehead and waved at them, letting Dean give Cas a tug towards the Impala.

Today, Cas was dressed a bit brighter than normal. On his head, contrasting against his hair and brightening his eyes, was a white beanie. He wore a light gray button-up sweater with a black shirt and blue jeans, and light blue converse. Dean couldn’t help but kissing Cas’s lips, his tongue quickly asking for entry.

Cas granted it with a hum of happiness, melting into Dean’s embrace, wrapping his arms around Dean’s torso while Dean’s hands drifted just above Cas’s ass.

And to Cas’s own surprise, he actually wanted Dean to grab him there. A blush took over his face and he pulled away.

“Umm...let’s go have breakfast,” Cas mumbled, embarrassed, and slipped into the Impala.

Dean noticed Cas looked brighter, healthier today, and God was he happy to see Cas like that. They went to the local Waffle House--Cas had admitted he’d never been there before and Dean proceeded to gasp and practically speed into the parking lot.

Inside, the colors and aroma was warm and smelled of freshly baked waffles and fresh fruit. Dean wasn’t particularly in the mood for waffles but he wanted Cas to experience them.

Dean ordered practically three plates of eggs and Cas ordered a simple plate of chocolate chip waffles. Dean couldn’t help but find it cute how his blue eyes lit up like lights under the ocean when they sat the--much bigger than the picture--three waffles dripping from the warm chocolate chips and drizzled in syrup with a huge mound of whipped cream threatening to melt away with even more chocolate chips sprinkled on top.

Dean laughed wholeheartedly at Cas’s face and took the first bite of a piece of bacon. “Damn, Cas,” he laughed, watching as Cas picked up a knife and fork and cut out a layered piece of the castle of food. He pushed the fork in his mouth and his cheeks filled like a chipmunk.

Dean’s cheeks felt sore from smiling so much already, and his chest warmed when Cas tried not to laugh when he tried to chew the massive amount of food in his mouth. He failed, and ended up covering his mouth as he laughed and swallowed at the same time.

God, Dean was in over his damned head, and he loved every fucking second of it.

At first they ate in silence, and then after Cas finally figured out how to eat, he perked up. “Where are we going today?”

Dean took a gulp of the orange juice that came with his breakfast and thought for a moment. “Where do you want to go?”

Cas rolled his gorgeous blue orbs and smiled, “I don’t know--you’re the tourist today, you’re supposed to show me where to go.”

“Oh, I see,” Dean teased, and Cas kicked him softly from underneath the table, a blush creeping up his neck and face. “There’s this old bookstore I know you’ll love. I wanted to take you there.” Dean’s face went somber when he watched Castiel’s expression.

“A bookstore?” Cas lit up like a Christmas tree and shoved another forkful of food into his mouth. Dean didn’t realize how much Cas was eating, and when he did, he felt a surge of happiness rip through him. He was glad to see Cas eating. Cas swallowed, “I love bookstores.”

“I thought you would.” Dean commented, finishing off his huge plate. Cas had only managed about half to two-thirds of the plate, but Dean knew he never really ate much anyways...he didn’t necessarily had to think why, either.

Dean threw some bills on the table to cover the cost and a tip, and on the way out of the house, he curled his hand around Castiel’s and watched from the corner of his eye as Cas turned red as a tomato.

The bookstore was just like Dean said it would be. It was old and styled sort of like a cabin. It was small, but two stories high, with a creaky old door with blue paint peeling off and a red and yellow “OPEN” sign that looked more than worn hanging on a nail pounded into the door. Cas went in first, listening to the soft jingle of the bell and took in his surroundings.

It smelled of old books, new books, books in general. It smelled like fresh hair and pine, with dark wood floors and walls that matched. There were bookshelves sitting long ways, and then like hallways, they’d turn directions. A maze of bookshelves--Cas loved it.

Within a millisecond, like every tangible thought escaped him, Cas wandered away, leaving Dean to watch with a sparkle in his moss green eyes. Cas disappeared behind a corner and then came back around, blue finding green.

“Are you coming?” Cas stretched a hand out.

Dean smiled and walked over, grabbing Cas’s hand--admittedly smaller, but they fit perfectly together anyways--and letting him lead him through the maze.

Dean never really found interest in books, but if Cas liked them, he could definitely spend some time in a bookstore for Cas’s sake. Castiel wandered around, at some point dropping Dean’s hand to pull out books and look at them. Dean’s eyes searched to find out what section they were in and saw that the sign above them said romance.

The book Cas pulled from the shelf was now the book that Cas was nose-deep in, reading, flipping pages, running his fingers along the spine. It was older, looked a bit worn, and the pages were a bit of a yellow-ish color now, flared on the edges.

“If you like it, get it,” Dean spoke quietly, the quiet atmosphere of the store taking effect.

Cas looked up, shocked, and quickly put it back, shaking his head. “No, it’s alright,” and then he disappeared into the fairytale and fantasy section. Dean rolled his eyes at Cas’s new childishness, plucking the book off the shelf and reading the title: A Midsummer Night’s Dream by William Shakespeare. Dean chuckled; only Cas, and tucked the book under his arm.

He found Cas looking through the fairytale books, nose deep in a couple of them. The Stone of Destiny was the one Cas flipped through now, with The Princess Bride pulled from the shelf.

Dean grabbed it, adding it to Cas’s collection, and watched as Cas frowned, glancing up from his book. “What’re you doing?”

“There’s no point in reading them if we won’t be here long enough to finish them, so I’m getting them for you.” Dean said simply, and Cas blushed deeply.

“You don’t have to do that--”

“I want to, now grab two more books to make it five before I grab them for you.”

Cas found that he didn’t exactly want to say no. He’d read the entirety of his bookshelf twice over now and knew every word to every tale he owned. He needed something new to read, so quickly, before Dean changed his mind, he scurried back over to the romance section and came back less than a minute later with Wuthering Heights and Gone With The Wind.

They were older copies, a bit used and torn, but that made Cas love them all the more. With A Midsummer Night’s Dream, The Stone of Destiny, and The Princess Bride tucked under Dean’s arm and Wuthering Heights and Gone With The Wind in Castiel’s slightly shaking hands, they went to the register.

It hadn’t costed much--barely twenty dollars. They put them delicately in a paper bag and gave them to Cas, who tried to hide his twinkling smile.

Dean wrapped an arm around his back as they made their way out of the store, an hour had gone by. After Cas put his books in the backseat, he turned and smashed directly into Dean, who immediately kissed him.

God, Cas’s lips were like an addiction. They were soft and welcoming and pink, practically screaming Dean’s name. Their lips fought together, somewhat innocent, until Cas seemed to absentmindedly grab the piece of Dean’s shirt right at the hem of his jeans, tugging forward with want.

Dean pinned Cas up against the Impala, as gently as he could. Cas’s mouth opened, despite his panting, and welcome the softness of Dean’s warm tongue into his mouth, where either of them explored. Dean felt his jeans begin to tighten and he ripped himself away, panting, and disappeared into the drivers seat.

Cas’s mind was scattered. God, what just happened? His beanie was threatening to come off and his lips were wet, swollen, throbbing, even. He didn’t want to admit it, but his jeans weren’t exactly comfortable anymore, and he was hot in the chilly fall air.

Before Dean suspected anything, Cas slipped into the passenger seat. “Thank you...for the books.”

Dean nodded. “Anything you want.” Leaning over, he pecked Castiel’s lips, and then they were on their way. “I’ve got something else to show you now, but it’s going to be a small drive.”

“What is it?”

“A surprise,” Dean grinned, a teasing glint in his eye as he started up the Impala. She purred underneath them as he pulled out of the parking lot and back onto the main road.

Cas pursed his lips, which were still throbbing, and tried to hold back his overexcitement. Where would Dean want to take them that it was a surprise? Cas’s eyes stayed glued to the window for the first little bit, watching as civilization seemed to completely disappear, being replaced by trees and...a lake. It’s waters were a blue as it formed, becoming bigger and bigger as they drove.

“A lake,” Cas turned to look at Dean, who smiled, glancing away from the road for a split second to look at Cas’s excitement. “Is that where?”

“Maybe.” Dean kept driving, and twenty minutes later, they pulled off the side of the road, parking in a small bare patch of woods just big enough for the Impala to fit in. Dean slipped out and jogged around Cas’s side as Castiel shoved the door open. “Watch your step.” Dean warned, grabbing Cas’s hand to make sure he stayed steady on the uneven ground.

Cas stumbled, just like Dean suspected he would, and as they made their way down to the path, Cas had tripped and knocked into Dean three times.

“Alright, tripsy,” Dean sighed, turning around to face Cas.

“Tripsy?” Cas frowned, looking up to Dean. The sunlight caught in his blue eyes, making them three shades lighter, and his nose scrunched up to block the sun. Dean faltered, and grinned, leaning down to peck Cas’s lips.

“Yeah, tripsy,” he muttered, shaking his head. “I knew you were clumsy, but this clumsy?” Dean teased, turning around and crouching down near the twig-covered ground. “Hop on.”

“A piggyback ride, Dean, really? I’m fully capable of walking--”

“Alright,” Dean’s arms reached around him, wrapping around Castiel’s legs and pulling them closer. Castiel stumbled and collapsed onto Dean’s back, arms wrapping around his neck, his heart hammering against Dean’s back. Dean stood, bringing Cas with him, legs wrapped around his stomach and chest against back, arms tight around his shoulders.

“Please don’t drop me,” Cas pleaded as Dean hopped over a fallen branch as if it were nothing. Cas bounced on his back, every grip he had on Dean tightening.

Dean chuckled. “That’s the last thing I’ll ever do, Cas, I promise.”

As Cas opened his mouth to reply, they emerged from the small path they’d been taking, and onto the most beautiful piece of land Cas knew he’d ever see. Dean heard him gasp from above him, and his arms encircled Dean’s shoulders.

Dean continued forwards until he got to the patch of boulders, where he sat Cas down gently on the ground, stepping back to look at his reaction.

Cas’s blue orbs swept over. They were surrounded by a large, oval-shaped area of woods, like an outline or a barrier. Then there was the lake, ending where they were at, and then continued down, disappearing into it’s own horizon with the trees following it down. The lake was so blue, like his eyes, and it was surrounded by wild flowers and shrubs and rocks, with a small layer of sand wrapping around it.

The grass was so green and the flowers were so bright. Above them, the sky was bright blue, surrounded with thin clouds, a soft breeze blowing through them. Castiel’s eyes fell shut, longer than he realized, and Dean’s arms wrapped around him from behind.

“You like it?”

“God, Dean,” he breathed, opening his eyes to the image that was still there, still perfect. “It’s so beautiful.”

“I thought you’d think so.” Dean stepped away, walking over to a boulder that perched up and slightly over the water. He let his legs dangle, and gestured for Cas. As Cas crawled up beside him, he spoke. “I used to live around here, walking distance, actually. On the other side of the lake, just past the woods, and down a strip of road. When things got bad at the house, I’d come here, and everything just felt better.” Dean sighed, eyes raking over the lake, memories coming back. “I used to come here during the fourth of July and let off these crazy fire works,” he laughed, “They lit up the lake like a rainbow.”

“I wish we could do that.” Cas spoke quietly, going melancholy.

Dean frowned. “We can. We will. There’s a little shop just around here--”

“No, Dean,” Cas shook his head, his voice going hard. “You don’t understand.”

“I do.” Dean almost snapped. “I do understand. You think you’re gonna be dead when July rolls around again, but you don’t know that.”

“Yes, I do,” Cas whispered, and Dean seemed to snap.

“No, Cas, you don’t!” He shouted, interrupting the serene peacefulness that had gathered around them. He felt Cas go stiff beside him and he cursed. “God dammit.” Rubbing his face roughly between his hands, he continued, quieter. “Cas...you don’t know what’s going to happen. I know you don’t want the treatments, and I know you said it’s developing fast, but you don’t know the end result. You don’t.”

“I’ve got a pretty strong idea.” Cas mumbled, playing with his fingers.

Dean felt a surge of anger flow through him--at himself. Cas had opened up, laughed loudly, smiled often, and relaxed, and all he did was make Cas close back up, like a turtle retreating back into it’s shell at a sense of danger.

“I’m sorry...for yelling, Cas,”

“It’s okay.” Cas said, still quiet. “I can be very stubborn and aggravating sometimes, I know.”

“No, Cas it wasn’t your fault. It’s mine.” Dean slouched over, watching his feet dangle over the water. “I just...it’s fucking messed up, you know?”

Cas stayed quiet, so Dean continued.

“Bad things happen to good people.” He stated, shaking his head. “It’s fucked up that this is happening to you. It shouldn’t be. You’re so fucking pure, and strong, and beautiful, it’s sick that whatever God is up there decided to do this to you. You don’t deserve it.”

“It’s just my fate Dean,” Cas mumbled, “It was always meant to happen. There’s no way I could’ve avoided it.”

“I don’t believe in fate.”

“So...you don’t believe--” Cas caught himself, and coughed, “Never mind.”

“What?” Dean pushed, scooting closer to Cas until their thighs bumped together. “Tell me.” Castiel sighed, looking up at Dean with a small frown on his face, and began to see all the freckles that were sprinkled over his face like a cluster of stars.

“So, you don’t believe that us...meeting, or any of that, any of this,” he gestured around, “here, is fate?”

Dean sighed, and couldn’t exactly formulate an answer. Cas understood his silence and leaned his head on Dean’s shoulder, feeling a small shiver ripple through him from his warmth. Dean wrapped an arm around him and rubbed his hand up and down Cas’s arm.

“You cold?” He asked, quietly, barely talking above a whisper. Cas nodded, even though he truly wasn’t. He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to be closer. Dean shrugged off his jacket and draped it over Cas’s shoulders. Warmth encompassed him and he immediately felt tired.

“I don’t want you to get cold…” he mumbled, the tired feeling taking over quickly.

**“I’ll be fine, Cas,” Dean chuckled, pulling Cas into him. Cas’s head fell against his chest and like a light, Cas was out.**


	6. a book and a lake pt.2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cas breaks into Dean's old house

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a short chapter and I'm real sorry but I've been having a case of writers block with this story and this is the first half of chapter 6 I actually got written. I'm gonna try to write a chapter 7 and see how that goes so i can get the story going and get through this sea of fluff i'm experiencing and get the craziness started.
> 
> i reall have a lot planned for this story so just bear with me!! kudos and comments are much appreciated and i'll try to get a long chapter written <3 thank everyone so much for the kudos and reviews. it really means a lot to me.

Castiel woke with a small jolt in Dean’s arms, who had laid them down on the rock and dozed off himself. Castiel reached a hand up and wiped his forehead, catching the sweats that always came everytime he slept. Beside of him, Dean stirred, hugging Castiel closer to him for a moment before yawning and opening his eyes.

“Hey,” he grinned sleepily, and it was Castiel’s new favorite thing. “We fell asleep.”

Castiel, laughing, rolled his eyes. “I can tell.” He yawned softly and sat up, seeing that the sun was now making it’s first descent in the sky. Castiel peeled Dean’s jacket off and handed it to him. “We’ve been here all day – should we go?”

Dean sat up as well and peered out over the water. “Yeah, but there’s something I wanna show you first. Are you good with walking a few blocks?”

Castiel nodded. “Yeah,” he wiped his eyes with his palm and pulled his beanie off to run his fingers through his hair. Disregarding the small bits of hair that came with his fingers, he put his beanie back on and crawled off the rock. “Where are we going?”

Dean met him at his side and interlaced their fingers. “Somewhere special.”

He led them around the end of the lake and through the line of trees adjacent from where they came. As they walked, fingers tightening as they stepped over twigs and stumbled over rocks, the birds above them whistled a couple songs and squirrels scurried to different trees. Things settled into a certain mood and a comfortable silence fell over them.

The first block went by fine. It was all trees and a small trail. Halfway through the second block, they emerged onto a small, quiet little neighborhood. Castiel’s breathing faltered and when Dean glanced down at him, he saw how his face started losing color.

“Hey, you doin’ alright?”

Castiel, embarrassed and disappointed, shook his head. “I may have misjudged how far I could walk.”

Dean immediately went to crouch down in front of him. “Here, let me carry you.”

Castiel huffed as he grabbed onto Dean’s shoulders. “You shouldn’t have to.”

Dean wrapped his arms under his knees and lifted, giving Cas a minute to situate, before continuing their walk. “I don’t mind, Cas. Don’t worry about it.”

Cas sighed and leaned his cheek as gently as he could on Dean’s head, trying to catch his breath and looking around the small neighborhood. Faintly, Castiel remembered Dean telling him he lived just past the woods.

“Dean?”

“Hmm?”

“Are...are we going to your old house?” Castiel’s voice shook. Below him, Dean slightly stiffened but he nodded underneath Castiel’s cheek. “Why?”

“Just because. I’ve been meaning to come visit for a while now...and I thought you might be interested.”

Castiel, not knowing what else to do or say, kissed Dean’s head and whispered, “Thank you.”

The rest of the walk was quiet and comfortable. Dean turned a corner and walked for five more minutes until coming to a halt in front of a two story, green house. It looked fairly new, but Castiel suspected it had been rebuilt since the fire. Trees adorned the sidewalk and front yard, with purple and orange leaves and a few shrubs.

“Is this it?”

Dean nodded below him. “Yeah.” His voice was thick now, and Castiel wiggled a little and jumped down. “This is it.”

“Does anyone live here?” Castiel asked. Dean sighed and shook his head.

“No..not that I know of.”

To a surprise to Dean, Castiel grabbed his hand and walked up the driveway, ignoring Dean’s questions. He knocked on the door, waited for an answer, and then tried to open it. Of course, it was locked, but when he tried the window, it was stupidly unlocked and slid open easily under his weak hands.

“Cas, what are you doing? Stop.”

“Come on. Grow a pair Dean.” Castiel demanded, a sudden surge of confidence going through him. He felt rebellious, breaking into an unsold house just so Dean could see it. He couldn’t find a will to care, though, as he hopped through the window and gestured for Dean to follow after.

Sighing, Dean slid through and shut the window after him. Immediately, all the memories came back like a sweet taste, but the aftertaste was bitter and unwelcome. The kitchen was rebuilt the same, the floors were the same, the wallpaper, the stairs, everything. Absentmindedly, Dean walked forward and ran his fingers along the kitchen counter, an echo of his mother’s soft voice asking, “would you like some pie, baby?”

He shuddered and shook, even when Castiel grabbed his arm. “Are you okay?”

“Y— Yeah,” Dean shuddered again, then gave Cas a reassuring smile. “Just memories.” He glanced up the stairs and remembered his room. “Let’s go to my room.”

Up the stairs, Dean’s foot pressed hard on the old spot that squeaked, but these stairs were good and solid. With Castiel’s hand in his, he emerged into his bedroom, still square but cleaned out now. There weren’t any hints that there even was a fire here, but that was a very long time ago.

“It was, uh…” Dean trailed off, remembering, “Blue. The posters changed a lot, but when it burnt down I was getting into the rock phase. I was only four.”

“Too young to witness such a tragedy,” Castiel whispered, taking their intertwined hands in his spare hand. He kissed the back of Dean’s hand.

“We don’t even know how it happened…” Dean breathed, pulling Cas to his side. “The officials said there was a short that finally caught fire, but I’m not so sure.”

“What do you think it was?” Castiel asked quietly while Dean stared out his window.

“I think someone wanted Dad dead.” He muttered. “He wasn’t the most liked guy around. Sometimes he had a bad habit of conning people, but he was a good man.” He sighed and shook his head. “My mom shouldn’t have had to pay that price. Not her life.”

Castiel rubbed Dean’s arm in hopes to comfort him. Dean tried to push out a smile, but it looked so forced Castiel felt the physical hurt. “Come on. We can go.”

“Yeah, might be a good idea.” Dean muttered. Cas turned to leave but Dean pulled on his wrist, halting him. Cas turned back to Dean to be met with lips pushing against his. It was long, sweet, passionate, and taking all of Castiel’s breath right out of his lungs. “Thank you.” Dean breathed against Castiel’s throbbing lips.

Cas breathed in Dean’s air. “What for?”

“I don’t know – just for bein’ you,”

Castiel laughed softly and tugged on Dean’s hand. “C’mon, it’s getting dark. My mom will kill you if you get me back after dark.”

“I’m scared.” Dean said sarcastically, earning a heart-warming laugh from Castiel as they trudged down the stairs.

“You should be – she can be a very scary woman!”

Dean chuckled and let Cas hop on his back for the walk back to the car. By the time they walked the few blocks, Castiel’s eyes were drooping and Dean was feeling tired himself. They walked past the dark water, reflecting the orangey sky, and up the small trail back to the Impala that waited for them. Castiel jumped to his feet and landed with a small stumble, then climbed into the passenger seat as Dean did the driver’s.

The drive back seemed to be a lot longer than the drive over. By the time Dean pulled into Castiel’s driveway, the sky was practically canopied with darkness and bright stars, and Dean was yawning loudly in the driver’s seat.

“I had fun today.” Castiel declared, a genuine happy smile on his face that lit up his blue eyes.

“You did?” Dean grinned.

“Yeah,”

“Good. So did I.” Dean leaned over and pecked Castiel’s lips lazily. “Tomorrow I’m gonna show you what real music is.”

Castiel chuckled and grabbed Dean’s hand, tugging. “Stay the night.”

This caught Dean off guard, and he blinked. “What?”

“Stay the night with me. My mom won’t mind...I mean, since you’re coming back over tomorrow anyways. You’ll already be here.”

It was tempting. It really was, and if there was one thing Dean couldn’t resist, was temptation, so he grinned. “Yeah? Sure.”

**“Really?” Castiel beamed, and Dean climbed out of the driver’s seat. Castiel jumped out and met Dean around the hood and hooked their fingers together.**


End file.
